A: Hey, listen.
B: I am.
A: I know.
B: Go ahead.
A: You know what’s the best thing a really tall person who sucks at sports can do?
B: Suck you?
A: Work as a librarian!!
B: You should work on your phrasing of this joke. It has potential.
A: Well, I gave it a shot.
B: Anyway! You wanna have Saturday on breakfast?
A: You mean breakfast on Saturday?
B: That’s what I said.
A: You said Saturday on breakfast, when you meant breakfast on Saturday.
B: No I didn’t.
A: Yes you did.
B: Prove it!
A: I can’t… but people who are reading this can.
B: I don’t care about people who are reading this, I’m not talking to them. I’m talking to you.
A: Well, I don’t have the ability to go back in time and show you.
B: Then shut up!
A: How insulting. Is that your best?
B: No it’s not.
A: True, you have no best!
B: If I had no best then that would’ve been my best, right?
A: You’re crazy.
B: No no. I have no better than that, then it is my best.
A: Whatever!
B: Whatever? Is that your best?
A: No it’s not!
B: Are you saving your best?
A: Maybe. Listen, what do you think of fire? I mean philosophically speaking.
B: I know it burns! that’s philosophical enough for me!
A: No no, I mean as an idea.
B: What the fuck are you talking about? It’s fire.
A: You never thought of looking beyond that?
B: Are you kidding me?
A: No I’m not. I think it’s really interesting.
B: Oh yeah? so is the writing on the wall.
A: What wall?
B: Never mind. Ever heard of TechnoEthics?
A: What’s that?
B: It’s an interdisciplinary research area concerned with all moral and ethical aspects of technology in society.
A: You just copied that from wikipedia, didn’t you?
B: That’s not the issue here, people think that computers and machines have rights.
A: What the fuck is wrong with people nowadays?
B: Nowadays? It’s been there since the 70s!
A: So what? a machine doesn’t work, you fix it or replace it. That’s it.
B: What if somebody did that to you?
A: I’m not a machine!
B: Yes you are!
A: I know, but I meant not in a mechanical sense.
B: In what sense then? Sense and Sensibility?
A: Jane Austen?
B: Who else would give a character a name such as Fanny Price?
A: You have something against Jane Austen?
B: No, I’m just saying. I hate her plots. Plus, her books are boring!
A: Whatever! Who are you to criticize such a canonized novelist.
B: You’re using big words here mister!
A: True. I forgot you had a small brain!
B: If you forgot, then your brain is small too.
A: So our brains are the same size?
B: Yeah, but I have a bigger penis!
A: Yeah, it suits you’re being an asshole. Go fuck yourself!
B: So yeah, I have mixed feelings about the TechnoEthics thingy.
A: I think only when people get their rights first, then we can think of machines’ rights!
B: Cliché!
A: Shut up!
B: People will never get all their rights!
A: You see? It’s because of people like you!
B: Of what?
A: People like you!
B: I know that people like me!
A: What?
B: Never mind!
A: Oh but I do mind.
B: Don’t you think it’s funny when businessmen have a fight in a meeting, then one says to the other “Hey! mind your own business!”
A: It’s not funny if one of them is losing millions.
B: Yeah, but the thing is that each one is minding his/her business already.
A: So there was no need to say that? I get it.
B: Why do you have to ruin every joke I tell?
A: I like solid jokes.
B: Oh yeah? what do you do with them? shove them up your ass?
A: I don’t think people are liking these dirty jokes too much.
B: Oh I think they do, they just don’t comment on this so they can pretend they never read such things.
A: But you think they read them?
B: They are reading them as we speak.
A: I don’t care that much.
B: It’s like someone following your every move.
A: Unfortunately in our case there are no moves, just words.
B: Why?
A: You know, to leave space for the imagination.
B: You can still have moves and actions and have room for imagination.
A: True. But that’s a choice.
B: Beastiality is a choice!
A: It’s Bestiality not Beastiality.
B: Aren’t they the same?
A: If you take part of the action!
B: You’re sick!
A: Oh yeah?
B: Yeah. You’re so sick, you make Cancer look like Liv Tyler!
A: I love Liv Tyler. Too bad she looks a bit like her dad.
B: I know! It gives you all these sick ideas, right?
A: Tell me about it!
B: Man, she’s hot!
A: Which movie you liked of her?
B: Can’t remember. To be honest I just go online and look at her pictures.
A: Wicked! How 2010 of you!
B: Hahahah! Shut up!
A: So which one you like the most?
B: Of what?
A: Liv Tyler pictures.
B: Oh, I don’t know man. There’s like a million of them.
A: Come on! There’s always this one that you go back to every time!
B: What? No there isn’t!
A: Come on!
B: Stop it!
A: Which photo?
B: Shut up!
A: Is it a still from a film?
B: No!
A: Paparazzi stuff? like a nipple showing or something?
B: No!
A: We’re getting close here. Which photo?
B: The one where she’s biting on a strawberry!
A: Fierce!
B: I know, right?
A: Respect man!
B: Thanks.
A: You’re welcome.
B: This is really nice. How much did you get that for?
A: It was 117
B: Wow, that’s a good price.
A: I know, the offer was only for one day.
B: Nice.
A: Does anyone has any idea what you’re talking about?
B: I don’t think so.
A: True. So what’s something you can get for 117.
B: It was a nice move not to mention the currency.
A: I know, right?
B: So, something for 117?
A: Probably people would think it’s a new mobile/gadget thingy.
B: True, or maybe a pair of shoes.
A: You think anyone thinks we’re 2 lesbians playing around in bed?
B: I don’t think so.
A: It’s possible though.
B: True.
A: Well, no one saw us yet, right?
B: Still, I think everyone thinks we’re 2 losers, whether men or women.
A: True.
B: I guess they’ll never know.
A: Maybe. Maybe not.
B: It’s not like it’s in my hand.
A: In my hand? or hands?
B: I think both work.
A: Are we done here?
B: Just a second.
A: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
B: Done!
A: Cool.
B: Super!
I imagined this dialogue happened between two monsters from Sesame Street.
Maybe backstage, while they were smoking or something :-p
Someone is trying too hard to be funny (and it shows).
Really?